If you think of ways to pamper yourself when you think of the term “Self care,” then you might be missing the most fundamental aspects of the idea. To care for one’s self is to attend to your needs in a way to preserve your well being and ability to continue forward. When we are truly attending to our care of self, we can persevere with our integrity intact and resentments avoided.

I have come to see good self care in three distinct parts: daily coping, on-going refueling, and attention to boundaries.

Lets talk about the boundaries first. They are like the floor, or the vessel, to hold in the other things. Without boundaries, you are pouring water into a sieve. You will never be able to pour in enough because you are losing more than you are collecting. A boundary is about knowing where your limits are and stopping before you go over the edge. Can you say “no” to an additional request of your time? Can you do “good enough” on a task, instead of trying to be perfect? Can you delegate or ask for help or share responsibility for a task? Can you take a longer break before you tackle a problem that needs your attention? These are boundaries.

Lets bring our attention to “re-fueling.” Even with good boundaries, our reserves get depleted and we have to find ways to refuel. These are like maintenance tasks. Are you getting enough sleep at night to refuel your body? Are you eating nutritious foods? Are you moving your body in a way that feels good to you? Are you taking necessary medications and keeping your appointments with your doctor/psychiatrist/therapist? Do you have a mindfulness or spiritual practice that you maintain? Are you investing in your important friendships so that your relationships are healthy and well cared for? When you keep yourself fueled, you can coast through some difficult times and pull on those reserves when necessary.

Lastly, lets look at daily coping. This is an area that many people think of when they think of “self care,” but its really on the top of a pyramid. These are the things we do to get through a difficult moment or day: take a shower and put on fresh clothes, take a stretch break, go for a walk for fresh air, drink a cup of coffee, call a friend, dance to a favorite song, take a nap, buy yourself a treat. We all need a number of tried and true coping skills to get us through a challenging time, but these alone will not keep us well without the more fundamental parts of the self care pyramid.

Take a moment right now and see if you can think of one thing you can do in each of these categories this week. You are deserving of the same loving care you give to others.